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"Fear is how I fall...
Confusing what is real..."

I am afraid of the world and I am afraid of my own creations. I often wonder whether my opinion of myself relates at all to other people's opinions of me. I continuously hope that their view is more positive than my own...

"There�s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending..."


I want to be perfect, and yet I know that is impossible. This envitably breeds a strong sense of self-hate. I even find flaws in my strengths, which leaves me with nothing...

"I can�t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
-Without a sense of confidence, I�m convinced
there's just too much pressure to take...-
I�ve felt this way before
So insecure..."


I'm aware of who I have been, I have ideals of who I wish to be; but for now, I am completely lost. I desperately desire immediate repair. I know, "change takes time"... But I always feel that I am running out of that resource...

Life without regret is a dream that I don't know that I could ever accomplish. I don't believe that I could ever love myself... There is always something else that I "should" be...

"Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting...
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It�s haunting..."

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
nika
Jun. 5th, 2001 05:05 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel. It seems like there's always more potential, and if not, more need. I'm a perfectionist. I don't see the glass as half full or half empty. I see it as unfinished. It's hard to be happy with yourself like that.

What I usually do is write down things I am proud of overall. It's easier to like yourself that way. And, try to train yourself to think like "Okay, I didn't hit that note in the song, but I did do a great job on the descant." instead of "Okay performance, all in all. But I completely blew the last note and it sounded awful." Hope that helps, at least a little. =)

Mmm. I love Linkin Park. Kinda sad and depressive at times, but really deep and introspective.
daturafae
Jun. 5th, 2001 05:19 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I am horrible about perfectionism. I try so hard sometimes to see the things that I am proud of, it just always seems like the negative is blocking the way.

"Crawling" is definitely my favorite by Linkin Park.
Unfortunately, it seems like only the artists that produce darker music have lyrics that are so introspective. Oh well.
Hey... depressing music - maybe that's why I get so moody! Lol
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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