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I just wish that, when I needed, I could let people into my thoughts... To let them actually feel them so that they could get a complete understanding of how and why I feel the way I feel...

I'm getting rather depressed. And stressed.
It's probably finals, mostly.
Who knows.
Could be the damn pills again, that would make sense right now.
I just feel like crying. A lot. A hell of a lot...

I nearly blew up at Josh on the phone earlier tonight. It's not like he did anything incredibly wrong... I just miss him alot, and he just seemed focused on anything but me. Of course, I know that I was pretty distracted too, with my work.

Some of it just had to do with him talking about all of the stuff he was doing. Then saying that he needed to spend time @school with his friends (hello, what else has he been doing?), so he "may" go home just for mother's day next weekend, instead of keeping to what he had previously said about going home for the weekend so he could see me too. And saying that he may go to Six Flags with friends then. (I had made tentative plans for us to go there with my friends last weekend, but changed them, and he had said that we could go there sometime in the summer...) Just a little annoyed that he would ditch plans with me to go somewhere without me, a place where I had wanted to go too...

That's not really a huge deal though... I've just been getting annoyed at everyone for many reasons. (like i said, finals, chemical imbalances, etc.)

Then there is one particular housemate who constantly instigates me when I am in a crappy mood, which obviously makes it worse, then she gets pissy when I get angry about it...
Yet the same one always turns to me when she's upset...
Then another housemate randomly hates, and is completely rude to, a good friend of mine, when she doesn't even know her. That is really getting on my nerves...
The same one leaves dirty dishes all over the place which pisses everyone off. Today there are also 2 dirty tuna cans, a dirty open jar of mayo, and another tuna can that has been left out for at least a week, in addition to her usual huge pile of filthy dishes...

It just seems that when I need people the most, no one seems to really be there. But when they need someone, they rush to me first...
I am not "dear abby", i need people too...


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 4th, 2001 06:33 am (UTC)
I know(or have known, but still remember) the feeling. Definately not a fun one. Maybe you should just do something fun, or vent some stress. Kickboxing's good. Writing's good. =) Usually helps me, at least a bit.
May. 4th, 2001 07:14 am (UTC)
Thanx. I don't have too much time right now to have much fun (thats probably one of the problems), unfortunately. (Tons of projects, papers, and finals...) I'd love to do some kickboxing again! But for now I will just stick to writing (yeah, it definately helps a bit). I took a long walk with a friend of mine last night, which helped a bunch...
May. 4th, 2001 07:25 am (UTC)
i understand the whole "dear abby" thing all too well.
how much longer till you come home and what not?
are you working this summer?
my SN is Hyperfizz in case you forgot..
talk soon, babe
May. 4th, 2001 12:19 pm (UTC)
poor u!

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)

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