May 30th, 2001


love of the road

On the way to work I enjoyed the wonderful feeling of total freedom...
Being on the road... alone in my car...
the wind rushing by...
plently of punk rock and techno blasting...
watching the other cars quickly vanish behind me (i have a bit of a heavy foot sometimes)...
the feeling like i could keep driving until all my problems were left miles away...
like being queen of the universe...

Then I got to work.

"i find sometimes it's easy to be myself...but sometimes it's better to be somebody else"

At work, my heart dropped quickly. I was miserable. I did not want to be where I was.
Not just physically being at work, but wanting to be elsewhere in my life.
I realized how tired I am of being at a small college with no diversity and limited options.
I regret that I never transferred.
I regret that I allowed depression to overcome so much of my life last year.
I regret that I didn't keep my grades up in high school so that they would match my excellent SAT scores, and gotten into Brown, or at least a school that challenged my mind.
I regret that I've allowed others to make my choices for me.

I don't want to have any more regrets.

It's time to live my life the way I want to live it.
  • Current Music
    Radiohead - Optimistic

"if you walk without rhythm... you'll never learn..."

The highlight of my night at work was when Fat Boy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" came on the video screens in the young men's dept (that dept, along with jrs, is spared the nauseating elevator music that permeates the rest of the store). That video is hysterical, and the music was a nice break from the teeny-bopper pop crap. It was so boring in the store, and the temptation to dance atop the counters and shelves was certainly there...
(don't worry, i restrained myself and kept my job...)