October 13th, 2001

love

(no subject)

I've certainly not kept up with this journal as much as I did last semester. Not sure why.

Anyway, tonight was nice. I really needed to go and do stuff with a larger group of people. Which I did: 21 Society, a hockey game, and out to a diner. I was a good little girl and did not go out to a club or anything. I don't want to get Josh angry again...

This whole distance thing is really pissing me off this semester. I'm not sure why, but it's definitely been bugging me more than usual. Maybe just cause I'm exposed to more on-campus couples this year, who get to be together whenever they want. That, and I feel like I would have a lot more freedom to go out and have fun if we were together. I've rarely gone out during my entire time in college (3yrs) because I'd be worried about getting him angry, or I'd just be annoyed at seeing the other couples. Once it got to this year, it's really started to drive me insane.

I think a ton of it also has to do with aggravation over the whole transferring deal. The fact that I never transferred is a huge regret. This school is too small, too snobby, as non-diverse as it can get, and too far away from everyone I know outside of the school.

Hopefully I'll see Josh next weekend. He keeps saying "maybe", though, and that annoys the hell out of me. I could understand if he was going to actually study during that whole weekend, but I rather doubt that's what would actually happen. If he doesn't see me next weekend, though, he's going to have to wait a while to see me, or he'll have to come here. Well, I'm not going to push the issue. If he doesn't want to see me, however, then he loses rights to complain about whatever I do that weekend.

I love that boy soooo much, and I miss him a TON, but sometimes he drives me crazy...
Well, I've got to be up early tomorrow. Goodnight!!
  • Current Mood
    flirty flirty
love

"don't worry, be happy..."

I have always had anxiety problems.
I worry about everything, and if I don't have something to worry about, I create something to worry about. If I can't think of something, then I worry anyway, or perhaps I have a moment of peace...

In addition to this whole semi-voluntary worrying, I have random moments of intense, unexplained anxiety. This hits me physically. I can feel my blood rushing through me and my body feeling week. I get nervous and shaky, and it lasts several minutes.

I don't know if I can call this an anxiety attack. I do not have trouble breathing, and I don't cry.
I've always had these "moments" on occasion, but I seem to be having them a bunch lately.
Should I be worried? (pardon the stupid pun)
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos - After All (cover)
love

Spinach and tomatoes, who thought it'd be such a good dinner?

Yep, spinach & tomatoes for dinner tonight. Who thought I'd actually enjoy it? Well, I certainly have concocted stranger meals...

I've been invited by various people to a random assortment of things tonight, but I don't know what I'm really up to. We'll see...

Feeling a little lost right now...
i need some grounding
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable