May 27th, 2002

Strange Little Icon

(no subject)

sometimes i wonder if i am bi-polar, or some milder version of being bi-polar...

This idea first crept into my head a few years ago when a few of my friends (from different groups of friends, at various times) told me outright that i must be bi-polar or have some sort of mood-disorder.
I am starting to believe it.
Well I have always had the tendency to slip into random depressions. I have always known that, and it frustrates me so much that it makes them a bit worse.
Sometimes, however, I can really look back a see a distinct period of mania and another of depression, often with no logical connection.

Today, for instance:
It was my first day back at work and it went very well. There were reps from 3 other companies, but I sold 8 times as many phones as those 3 reps combined. My high sales caused me to win a sales contest within my own company and I won a gift certificate for a restuarant. Everyone at work was friendly and happy, I had a great day. I was so happy that I was gushing to everyone about how happy I was. I wouldn't shut up about it, I was gushing about the stupid phone sales to everyone like it was the greatest accomplishment ever. I was happy when I got home. I had a delicious dinner and a yummy dessert. I got a bit tense and moody, but not too bad.
I got together with Josh and I was very happy to see him. He had made double chocolate cookies and we ate some with a huge glass of milk and snuggled up to watch tv.
Then came the waterworks (from no-where)...
I don't know what provoked it, but I started getting really depressed. I started crrying about nothing and whining about everything. Nothing could make me happy. I was upset about everything, couldn't decide what I wanted, and everything seemed an absolute misery.


Now I'm back home and none of it makes any sense.
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    indescribable indescribable
Winking DaturaFae (please DON'T steal)

(no subject)

I spent most of the day helping to paint the new walls of the basement. Actually, I did most of it. I don't mind, though, it was fun.

My boss called and ask if he had told me to work today. I informed him that he hadn't, but I offered to take hours. He didn't give me any though. :( I should have lied so that I could have some hours...

I won't see Josh tonight, he's with "the guys." That's fine with me, but it will be a pain for me when I hang out with him tomorrow. He'll have stayed up to at least 7am with them and when I get together with him he'll be all grumpy and stuff and he'll want to go to bed early. And, of course, he dropped me off early yesterday so that he would be able to wake up early this morning and play hockey with his other friends. Hmph...
Don't get me wrong, it's definitely not that I want more time with him. In fact, I hate when girls do that -- make their guys cut out their social lives -- that is horrible and a big mistake. I certainly don't want us to suffocate each other. Besides, I have friends too and need time to spend with them. The only thing that bugs me is - when does he stay up till 7 with me?! hehe...

Anyway, Gina is stopping by with Jacob tonight. It's hard to call him a baby anymore since he is now running around all over the place.

I feel like painting more, but not walls, I'm done with that. I'm in the mood to do some gouache or maybe watercolor. Actually, I think I'd rather do some sketches...
We'll see...
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    Poe - Lemon Meringue