I feel so alone. It's rather funny that, at one point, I once imagined living completely alone.
While I have always strived to be independant and avoided seeking help with anything, I must admit that such a dramatic loss of support has definitely hit me. Being at such a pivotal point in my life, and being so confused and frustrated with myself, it is such a horrible time to have no support. I hate feeling left out and left behind.
I fear burdening Josh too much because I have no-one locally to chat with.
I will be able to work this all out, however. And I will be better for it.
I need spontaneity.
I miss the sweet surprises. spontaneous excursions to randomly chosen destinations. little trips to the diner at 2am. midnight shopping trips with friends. unplanned visits. long phone chats in the middle of the night.
I need connection.
I try so hard. With Josh, maybe I try too hard. Whe we are together, I have no issue; but when we are apart it just doesn't seem right. In some cases I don't try nearly enough. I don't know.
I need time.