November 9th, 2002


(no subject)

I know I've disappeared from the online world for some time now. If you want to know why, just see my September 6th entry (yeah, that problem is still not fixed).
Anyway, I've gotten past my internet withdrawal (with the help of a couple computer lab visits each week) and have almost adjusted to a very odd semester...

Everything is quite different than any other semester that I've had.
First of all, I have an off-campus house/apartment, so I am a commuter now. I live with two girls I that I met only this summer. Next door there are three guys from our school. Our place is quite nice, and I have the largest room (with the largest rent, unfortunately).
I had imagined that this semester might be quite fun. ...a new place, the freedom of being off-campus, and a new set of friends... Well, I was quite wrong. For the first couple of weeks we had dinners together with the guys, did some shopping together, and went out together, but it didn't really last. While I like both of my housemates, the only problem with them is that they don't seem to like each other. One of them incessantly talks about the other to me behind her back. It appears to me that one of them is a control freak and the other is very adamant about her independence -- not a great combo. I still get along with both of them, but the whole situation is frustrating. I'm tired of hearing the complaints. Oh well.

About 90% of my friends and closer acquaintances are not around this semester. They have all either graduated or transferred. It's so strange not being on campus in a house with 7 of my friends. The house is so quiet. That, along with the lack of an internet connection, has made things a bit lonely.

I've been really stressed out because I am not sure where I will be in a few months and if I will have a job. My time alone has served only to dwell on my imperfections, and to despise them. The only way have been able to attempt overcome my anxieties is to attempt all measures to correct these imperfections. Some have worked, some have not... we'll see.

Enough of the depressing...
On the plus side, my grades are doing quite well this semester, despite my lack of sleep and food. I only hope that I can maintain them throughout the semester.
I ordered the limited edition of Tori's new cd and I adore it. It came in a little box, like a little gift... I got the starfish charm :)
I was also able to get a GREAT ticket for Tori's Wallingford show (10th row!!). I can't wait! :)
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
Lil Moon Fae

(no subject)

I feel so alone. It's rather funny that, at one point, I once imagined living completely alone.
While I have always strived to be independant and avoided seeking help with anything, I must admit that such a dramatic loss of support has definitely hit me. Being at such a pivotal point in my life, and being so confused and frustrated with myself, it is such a horrible time to have no support. I hate feeling left out and left behind.
I fear burdening Josh too much because I have no-one locally to chat with.

I will be able to work this all out, however. And I will be better for it.
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

(no subject)

I need spontaneity.
I miss the sweet surprises. spontaneous excursions to randomly chosen destinations. little trips to the diner at 2am. midnight shopping trips with friends. unplanned visits. long phone chats in the middle of the night.

I need connection.
I try so hard. With Josh, maybe I try too hard. Whe we are together, I have no issue; but when we are apart it just doesn't seem right. In some cases I don't try nearly enough. I don't know.

I need time.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained