DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...) (daturafae) wrote,
DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)
daturafae

  • Mood:
  • Music:

"I want to take control...I want a perfect body; I want a perfect soul."

Trying to turn depression into anger...
Someone once told me it was healthier for the mind & the body.
Not as self-destructive, I suppose. Who knows.

I'm tired of being a f*ckup. (Pardon the language -- as odd as it may seem, I hardly ever swear) I'd like to think of just ONE thing that I've had that I did NOT screw up. Something I can honestly say I did my best at.
---F*cking perfectionism strikes again.--

Well the only way I can change depression into anger is to be pissed at myself. That doesn't really improve things, does it. Oh well.

I get myself stuck in shitty situations. Places I don't like, people that drive me insane... wasting my time so that my options slip through my fingers.

Take high school, for instance. I scored very highly on my SATs & I'm pretty damn smart. But I was incredibly bored with the work, so my grades would never have gotten me into a higher-level, more challenging college. So I'm stuck in the same situation -- bored.

I let others direct my actions, stifling whatever it is I want. I crave spontaneity, while being trapped with the environment I've set myself in. I crave LIFE, while I've surrounded myself with people who are afraid to live it.
I screw up on the things I really love or want.

I'm going to try to treat this Samhain as truly a New Year. I'm going to attempt (yet again) to let go of any regrets, and start with as clean a slate as I can.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments