DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...) (daturafae) wrote,
DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)

  • Mood:
  • Music:

"don't you mess with a little girl's dreams..."

I despise the fact the I care so much about everything.
I live by my heart much more than my head. I look forward to things like a little child, and when it doesn't work out (which is generally the result) I am absolutely heartbroken. The majority of the time it leads directly to disappointment. :(

I crave spontaneity, especially romantic spontaneity, but not when it always requires me to do the work. I don't mind compromising, I do it quite often. I just like to see it reciprocated when I need a little compromise. Especially when it is something that obviously means a lot to me.

Earlier today I spent a long time doing what is supposed to be a group project. It sux cause no one else in the group really knows how to program. I've had a very stressful few weeks.
I got back here just to find that Josh, once again, cannot visit. I understand the circumstances. It's just that I have forced myself to overcome much larger obstacles in order for me to see him (at his request) for just a few hours; and whenever there is an obstacle for him to see me, he just gives up. I shouldn't try so hard if he doesn't, I should start saying "no" (but I can't, cause I love him). That, and it was just terrible timing with other situations that are unrelated to him.

Make no mistake, I absolutely love him with all my heart, and he does so many wonderful things for me. I am not saying that a he doesn't compromise, doesn't do nice things for me, or isn't romantic. It's just that recently I've had a lot of disappointment with a lot of people as far as things happening and me being required to put in all of the sacrifice for it. I have done many things that don't exactly work out with my schedule, and others refuse to do the same. This is not always the case, it's just recently happening a lot.

-->It's not so much that he is not visiting, it is the fact that he is not even considering compromising to visit me. It's just an outright, no-questions asked, "NO". That hurts, cause I do the opposite: I consider any visit to him possible until I have exhausted every means of doing so. Promises to make up for it don't matter to me (especially if they are forgotten), I don't need it made up to me, he doesn't need to convince me to love him or forgive him. What I need is for him to show that he can give up some convenience as I have done for him (and not promises to do so in the future).
Am I expecting too much, or am I being fair? Hit me with the truth.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.