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sometimes i wonder if i am bi-polar, or some milder version of being bi-polar...

This idea first crept into my head a few years ago when a few of my friends (from different groups of friends, at various times) told me outright that i must be bi-polar or have some sort of mood-disorder.
I am starting to believe it.
Well I have always had the tendency to slip into random depressions. I have always known that, and it frustrates me so much that it makes them a bit worse.
Sometimes, however, I can really look back a see a distinct period of mania and another of depression, often with no logical connection.

Today, for instance:
It was my first day back at work and it went very well. There were reps from 3 other companies, but I sold 8 times as many phones as those 3 reps combined. My high sales caused me to win a sales contest within my own company and I won a gift certificate for a restuarant. Everyone at work was friendly and happy, I had a great day. I was so happy that I was gushing to everyone about how happy I was. I wouldn't shut up about it, I was gushing about the stupid phone sales to everyone like it was the greatest accomplishment ever. I was happy when I got home. I had a delicious dinner and a yummy dessert. I got a bit tense and moody, but not too bad.
I got together with Josh and I was very happy to see him. He had made double chocolate cookies and we ate some with a huge glass of milk and snuggled up to watch tv.
Then came the waterworks (from no-where)...
I don't know what provoked it, but I started getting really depressed. I started crrying about nothing and whining about everything. Nothing could make me happy. I was upset about everything, couldn't decide what I wanted, and everything seemed an absolute misery.

Now I'm back home and none of it makes any sense.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 27th, 2002 02:38 am (UTC)
hmmm...I'm a roller coaster at times, and I think it's just who I am...let the doc's call it what they will, all I know it they better not try to shove prozac down my throat again...bah.
May. 27th, 2002 08:29 am (UTC)
Yeah, i don't think I'll ever go back to a doctor about this kind of stuff. A couple years ago they did the whole prozac thing with me for a while and kept doubling the dose every few weeks. Sure, I wasn't as depressed, but I felt like a damn zombie cause I had NO emotions and I just wanted to sleep all the time!!
Oh well, I think you've got the right idea. I'll just learn to cope with who I am and work things out from there.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)

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