DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...) (daturafae) wrote,
DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)

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sometimes i wonder if i am bi-polar, or some milder version of being bi-polar...

This idea first crept into my head a few years ago when a few of my friends (from different groups of friends, at various times) told me outright that i must be bi-polar or have some sort of mood-disorder.
I am starting to believe it.
Well I have always had the tendency to slip into random depressions. I have always known that, and it frustrates me so much that it makes them a bit worse.
Sometimes, however, I can really look back a see a distinct period of mania and another of depression, often with no logical connection.

Today, for instance:
It was my first day back at work and it went very well. There were reps from 3 other companies, but I sold 8 times as many phones as those 3 reps combined. My high sales caused me to win a sales contest within my own company and I won a gift certificate for a restuarant. Everyone at work was friendly and happy, I had a great day. I was so happy that I was gushing to everyone about how happy I was. I wouldn't shut up about it, I was gushing about the stupid phone sales to everyone like it was the greatest accomplishment ever. I was happy when I got home. I had a delicious dinner and a yummy dessert. I got a bit tense and moody, but not too bad.
I got together with Josh and I was very happy to see him. He had made double chocolate cookies and we ate some with a huge glass of milk and snuggled up to watch tv.
Then came the waterworks (from no-where)...
I don't know what provoked it, but I started getting really depressed. I started crrying about nothing and whining about everything. Nothing could make me happy. I was upset about everything, couldn't decide what I wanted, and everything seemed an absolute misery.

Now I'm back home and none of it makes any sense.

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