This is basically what seems to happen every time I vanish from lj for a bit (also applicable to many other situations):
Step 1 - I admit, I forget about it for a bit, but not for long.
Step 2 - When I remember it, I think of ten billion things that I have missed out on logging and want to post them all in great detail.
Step 3 - I get so intimidated by the desire to get it all right, that I postpone it.
Step 4 - a. return to step 1 OR b.someone pushes me to do it OR c.something random or big happens that finally gets it to happen
So, is this the basic cycle of procrastination, or the cycle of an anxiety-laden perfectionist? I think that the may be one in the same.
Anyway, at this moment I'm on option C of step 4.
I am faced with some time to kill while I wait for Josh to wake up and take me to the ER.
Since I am stuck with this free time and I'm bored and tired and I'm trying to distract my self from other things, I will explain:
On the first day of this lovely 2005, I woke up with a cold or the flu or whatever it was. I was kind of expecting it because the previous day at work I brushed by a co-worker and she said that my skin felt like it was burning up (I felt fine otherwise that day, but I knew that it was probably signaling a cold or something on the way). Anyway, a sore throat and congestion and poor sleeping and such started New Year's Day and got a bit worse the next day. I battled it as hard I could with vitamin C and echinacea tea and zinc drops and chicken soup so that I could get to work the next day (the 3rd). Of course, this was just in time for my boss to switch me back into a store that has no door (it is freezing in there and I have to stand near the doorway). I'm just not someone who ever really calls out of work, and I was feeling a bit better, so I went into work Mon and Tues. It kept the cold around a bit longer, but it still was pretty much gone by yesterday (except from maybe my ears still feeling a bit blocked up.)
I don't know if this is a separate issue, or the part of the above mentioned condition (which is why i mentioned the silly cold/flu thing), but later in the day on the 2nd, I started having upper back/neck pains. It didn't really hurt to turn my head side-to-side, but to move it back or in relation to my shoulders it hurt a bunch. The worst part was getting up from laying down or something. I simply couldn't use my upper back without sharp pain.
It was weird. I didn't do anything to strain or injure it, and I didn't sleep in any odd position or anything, it's just a problem that developed as I was sick. It went away mostly, until yesterday.
It hurt to get up out of bed, but not quite as badly as it hurt on the 2nd. But after I took a hot shower and got ready for work, it got much worse. Also I noticed my left arm was sore from shoulder to elbow, and from elbow to fingertip it felt weak/numb. It's very uncomfortable and it worried me, but I do like to go to doctors and I have no health insurance.
Fortunately I had the day off cause of snow, so I was able to relax.
Josh was sweet. He bought chocolate chip cookies and made cocoa to cheer me up. He even set up the front room with the sofa bed pulled out and a funny (but functional) incline of pillows so that I could watch a movie with him comfortably (and still be able to get back up).
I went to bed with the hopes that I might wake up this morning and feel better.
Instead, I woke up at 2am and couldn't sit up. After I finally did, I realized that my back/neck/arm/whatever is the worst it has been. It hurts no matter what position I am in now, even after 3 ibuprofen tablets. There's no way I can sleep. Even if I could get comfortable I would be so scared about not being able to get up again.
After thinking it over for a couple of hours, trying to convince myself of something else, I decided that I need to give in and see a doctor. This is due to the fact that I don't know what caused all of this. If I did, I'd skip the damn doctor and solve it myself.
Josh and I agreed that he should sleep until at least after 5 so that he would have some sleep for when he eventually goes into work, so I am waiting for him to get up. That's why I'm sitting here trying to kill time by typing all of this.
I feel really nauseaous right now and I don't know if it has to do with this problem, or lack of sleep, or because I'm thirsty or hungry, but I can't look at this screen anymore.