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Narcissism and Panic Attacks



So tomorrow (well, today, actually) is the big day.

I am cutting my hair.
I haven’t even trimmed it in nearly 5 years.
It is well past my butt when straightened. I am used to it this way. It’s me.

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The ends are an unhealthy mess and it’s been a pain to deal with. It is thinning out because of its length and it tangles like crazy. The curls are weighed down. Fortunately the curliness is enough to hide the icky split ends that shoot inches up my hair.

Anyway, at 2pm I have an appointment to cut off enough to get rid of all the split ends and cut even more to donate to Locks Of Love. The minimum to donate is 10 inches. I don’t want to give them the useless split ends, so it’s going to be much more than 10 inches that are cut. I figure that I will end up with hair that is just a couple of inches below my shoulders.

I can’t do above my shoulders. I think that I would lock myself in a room until it grew long again. I’m serious.
It sounds silly, but me hair is me. It is how people recognize me. It is the only part of me that I have ever considered pretty.
It needs to be cut though.

I told Josh, my parents, and my best friends that I have a doctor’s appointment as an excuse for my trip to Dartmouth (there is only one person that I’ll let cut my hair, and that’s where she is). I want to see their genuine reaction. This should be interesting.

I know that Josh and my Mom will be happy. They have both been telling me for years to cut it.
My co-workers and many online – folk know. I’ve gotten mixed reactions to my plan.

I really hope that I’m not going to regret this...
(I know, hair grows back... but this is going to take a long time)

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Do I really need to cut it?
But it looks good with wings…
(not that I wear them for anything but oct.31st... lol)

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I’ve been upbeat about it all day, but I’m not sure I’m ready to do this…

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I guess the ends are bad.

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…and is going to someone who needs it more than I do.
Plus, it will be easier to care for.

I hope it grows back fast!


( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 4th, 2005 05:11 am (UTC)
yeah, but locks of love and other similar organizations are the shit. you should cut it.
May. 4th, 2005 05:20 am (UTC)
yeah, I will.
I'm just hitting the inevitable panic time.
May. 4th, 2005 05:55 am (UTC)
a slow drag from a menthol cigarette will help you relax.

c'mon, all your friends are.
May. 4th, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC)
May. 4th, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC)
and i'm also guessing you don't wear wings that much
May. 4th, 2005 06:24 am (UTC)
Awww like I said previously - when I first heard you were doing this I was like "NOOO!!"
But it is true that Locks of Love is a wonderful cause - and you're wonderful to donate your hair to it.

... such beautiful hair too... *sob*... I tell ya, you're a braver woman than me!!
How much are you gonna get cut off? To your shoulders, higher, what?

Good luck! ♥
May. 4th, 2005 05:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Aims!
I'm not sure how much it will end up being.
It will definitely NOT be above my shoulders because I can't handle that. Hehe.
I'm thinking of leaving it just a couple of inches below my shoulders.
Basically, I am going to make sure that I send about a foot to Locks of Love and that none of that is trashy split ends.
I figure this may end up being 18 inches cut off? I haven't exactly measured what that would leave me with. I'm going to talk it over with the person who will be cutting it and see what she thinks.
May. 4th, 2005 07:53 am (UTC)
You are a true fairy, Lauren!! These pics are just wonderful!!

No doubt, you will look as pretty with shorter hair!!

May. 4th, 2005 05:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Pascal. You're so sweet!
May. 4th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC)
My hair was down to my waist and I cut it in a pixie cut, it was quite a change. It's nice and light though and if you get headaches now, you may find they won't be as frequent. Good Luck!
May. 4th, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)
Very good point, Nattie. I hadn't thought about it, but I'm sure that this will help my headaches because I know that they are often caused/made worse by all this weight tugging at my scalp!
Thanks! It is good to hear from someone else who has done this.
May. 4th, 2005 01:02 pm (UTC)

i have known you for eleven years, and this is absolutely THE most out of control your hair has been! you're right. it's got to go. i have recurring nightmares about my hair being cut, so i know it's pretty terrifying. my hair has thinned out a lot since i let it get long, too! i thought there was something seriously wrong, etc


also. honey, you are looking WAY too thin in those pictures. when am i seeing you ?
May. 4th, 2005 05:37 pm (UTC)
Soon I hope!
You're sweet, but I know that I've gained weight and it's driving me mad. I finally ditched the Pill a month ago. I hope that helps.
You worry me, though. I hope that you are well.

It is good to know that I'm not going bald! I thought that there has been something terribly wrong, too. I mean, seeing handfuls of hair in the tub is pretty traumatic! I hope that stops with this move. I hated how thick it was when I was younger, but now I really want that back!
May. 4th, 2005 06:22 pm (UTC)
yes!!! the hair thing! it was really freaking me out... i mean we *both* have plenty of hair to spare...so to speak, but i'd rather not lose it at 25! i do like it better now, actually. it behaves itself more easily, and i can actually comb through it...with a bit of ease.

how tall are you? you better be above 110! i'm 5'4" and i weigh around 120 right now, but i'm also a lot of muscle from the gym, which is making me happy. i don't really have many eating issues anymore, more of...obsessive working out.

yes, you do have reason to worry about my health. i know i worry! my seizures have returned, and i'm going through the whole changing medication thing again...unfortunately there isn't any cure, per se for epilepsy.
May. 7th, 2005 04:52 pm (UTC)
I am shocked by how much easier it is to care for!
Plus, no more getting stuck in car doors (or any doors for that matter), coat zippers, on someone 2 feet away, etc.

I am only 5'2". Don't worry, I'm having some eating issues again, but the scale hasn't moved at all (other than going up a bit since the winter holidays). I have been terribly lazy about working out for nearly a year so I am ridiculously unfit. I pretty sure that once I finally get my lazy ass back into exercising better, I will be able to let up on the food insanity and scale monitoring because I'll feel better.

Yes, I worry about you a bunch. Goodness, girl, you deseve a break from all this health chaos! I really hope that the medication change helps.
May. 4th, 2005 05:13 pm (UTC)
your hair is really beautiful darling..the locks of love is a wonderful idea. I have other friends who have done it, it's so giving ♥
May. 4th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
I head over there in TEN minutes. Yikes!
May. 4th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
What's locks of love? The website doesn't appear to be working.

I know it's scary but I think you will feel much better after!

BTW: Yer so pretty! Your hair is beautiful, but you are too.
May. 4th, 2005 05:40 pm (UTC)
try locksoflove.com

They take hair donations of 10 inches or more and they use them to make hairpieces for children who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy.

If they can't use it, they sell it and use the profit to further their cause.

Thank you so much. *blushing* You're very sweet.
Nov. 8th, 2005 04:26 am (UTC)
correction: donations for that particular organization go to children with alopecia -- a condition that causes loss of hair.
May. 4th, 2005 06:17 pm (UTC)
And of course you told your sister because she finds out everything before our parents do. *grins*
May. 4th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
when you were eight, you drew me a picture of a sun, and i still have it!
May. 5th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
Lol, really?

I don't remember that (but then again, I was 8).
May. 4th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
Good luck, Lauren.

I know what you mean by, "My hair is me" but that's not true. You are SUCH a beautiful person (inside and out) and you will remain that way with shoulder-length hair. I'm so glad to hear you're donating it, too. ♥
May. 4th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
Something tells me your gonna love it ina few days....but I have to agree that ur gorgeous no matter what
May. 5th, 2005 03:38 am (UTC)
well i cut off 14 inches from my hair two years ago in april. it was the best thing i could do my hair is naturally curly as well and it was dead and dry and a frizzy mess. well once i cut my hair of it was easier to straighten and i got way less headaches (which i dont know if it had anything to do with my hair but...) it look super cute since it actully curled and not just waved in certain places. all in all it was a good move and it grows back really fast. ask helen from toriforum lol...
anyway its great that youre donating it to such a great cause.
and like the general opinion i believe that you are beautiful inside and out just because you are willing to do something so unselfish.
i hope that everything works out.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )