DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...) (daturafae) wrote,
DaturaFae (DharmaChick, Lauren, Lau...)

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congratulations, you can still make me feel worthless...

I love my family, I really do. Very much, but I really can't wait to get out of here...

It's probably what I missed (*sarcasm*) most about living at home: the 'little' notes from my dad that point out something that was done wrong. Written all in CAPS, usually with lots of excessive underlines and exclamation points.

Today it was a note propped up in front of the monitor about spy-ware and identity theft. He ran a spyware/adware scan of the computer and ("IT DETECTED 44!! PIECES OF SPYWARE"), underneath it included that his "personal best" is only 8. Then it continued to warn me about putting personal info over the web, etc.

Anyway, I thought I should mention to him that the scan always includes each cookie as a piece of spyware. Obviously since I go to more websites on a regular basis than he does, more cookies appear on the comp. (Lord knows that with all of the security crap he has loaded on this comp, the cookies that make their way through are safe... thank goodness I didn't say that, though.) I was telling him this so that he wouldn't use this to blame me for whatever went wrong with the comp in the future (he has a history of blaming me for anything and everything that happens to it, even when I'm hundreds of miles away) and also so that he would know a little more about the scan. My sister was there and she can easily attest to the fact that I was speaking in a very civil, calm manner.

He, however, started into raging into one of his temper fits. I refer to them as such because they spark up for no reason (I was having a normal conversation) and include irrational yelling, drowning out anything that anyone else says. Oh, and on special days like today, the may also include covering his ears when someone else is trying to speak.

He refused to believe me and began to explain about the scan software. Mind you, I am the one who gave him that software. I told him this and reminded him that I spent four years studying IT and CS and just might have a slight idea of what I was talking about. The response: "You studied IT, why didn't you don't have a job in IT."

Thanks, Dad. Way to boost your daughter's self-esteem! You couldn't get me to snap with your childish antics, so you had to throw in a nasty insult about something that you knew I was upset over.

I didn't let that get to me right away, and basically ignored the comment. I was TRYING to de-escalate the conversation and explain that I was only attempting to defend myself against what appeared to be an accusation of messing up the computer. His whole end of the conversation was basically a lot of yelling and grimacing in an attempt to completely ignore anything that I was saying and continue to be angry. Most of the yelling was about how maybe we shouldn't talk to each other anymore because he was trying to be helpful and I only want to argue (does anyone else see the frustrating irony here??!)

I felt like I just rewinded 10 years as I left the room in complete frustration and quietly shut myself upstairs to cry.

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